I have sat on the front row of ministry to young men for many years now. One recurring issue, which likely won’t surprise anyone, is the issue of addiction to pornography. In fact, I have dealt with so many men (both young and old) who have expressed a struggle with lust and porn. Two things ought to be said on this head; first, a man struggling with controlling sexual desire is not abnormal and ought not to surprise us. Secondly, however, the Gospel brings a man’s appetites into subordination to a higher law than the law of testosterone; this law is called the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1-3). Yes, naturally speaking a man will be controlled by his raging hormones; however, the Christian man is born again, has a new nature, has new affections, and thus his natural cravings are submitted to the clear command of God’s Word and to the empowering grace of God’s Spirit.
I want to direct this primarily to men that are believers in the Lord Jesus. Men who are not born again will not understand why they shouldn’t look at porn, or have lustful fantasies. However, Christian men recognize that their sexuality ought not to rule them; this does not mean that when you believe upon Jesus that testosterone suddenly disappears. It is submitted, though, to a new Master, the Spirit of God, and this new Master uses a man’s sexuality for the glory of Jesus, not for the abuse of women, or the gratification of selfish lusts. A Christian man is a slave to righteousness, not a slave to a xxx-rated website.
So, here are a few pieces of advice I give to Christian men, which I hope aid in the battle against sin.
- I’m not going to go into detail on this, but the Gospel must be submitted to before a man can have any hope of walking in victory over his fleshly cravings. A fresh read through Romans 6 might be in order. However, if you are seeking to overcome sin on the basis of your blood, sweat, and internet filters, you will be fighting a losing battle. Only Christ can overcome sin, and the Christian overcomes sin in their life through the empowering grace of faith in Christ. I am firmly convinced that scripture makes it plain that sin is not normative in a believers life. 1 John 2:1 tells us of the forgiveness of Jesus that is extended to the believer if (notice it doesn’t say when) they give in to sin. I’m tired of us being on the defensive as Christian men, and I want men of God to go on the offensive. Rather than being paralyzed by our guilty conscience, I want men of God who walk with a purity in their thoughts and with their internet usage, who will boldly preach the power of the Gospel. So, what follows presupposes a hearty faith in Christ’s atoning and sanctifying work.
- Think about Porn . . . and let me be specific what you should be thinking with: your brain. Now, the problem is that natural man’s mind is a tool for uncleanness and selfishness, but when, as a Christian young man, you recognize that you have been given the mind of Chris, you must function on the basis of what God thinks. When a young man has the itch to view pornography, he would do well to reflect on the fact that he is being baited by his earthly passions. Passions and hormones ought to never be a deciding voice within the Christian’s life . . . God’s Word is the final word for the believer. If bodily passions are the ruling voice, a man will undoubtedly be overwhelmed by the temptation and go into a tailspin of bad decisions that leave him full of regret and once more defrauding the body of some indiscreetly clad woman (whether in a fantasy or through actual photos). When God’s Word is the decisive voice, however, it leads a man to think rightly, so that he might act righteously.
- Pornography is not real. By this I mean the obvious things like the photoshopping magic that portrays the models as thinner than they actually are, with the most luscious hair, and the softest, healthiest complexion on the planet. We all know that the women we see in the magazines and ads actually have stretch marks, cellulite, birthmarks, moles, weigh more than they appear to, wake up in the morning with messy hair and bad breath, and probably get the cold every so often. But the unreality of porn goes deeper; I would estimate that less than 1% of all women on the planet can consistently maintain the look of a model. Not even the models can look like models every second of every day. Isn’t it ironic that the porn industry makes billions of dollars convincing men to gratify their lust for the female body, but the female body that the porn industry presents doesn’t even exist. The models don’t even look like the models. It is a fairy tale. Which leads to my fourth point:
- Pornography removes the sanctity of personhood from the woman being salivated over. When I talk to Christian men, one thing I ask them is, “Do you really think that you would enjoy spending a week with (fill in the blank) sexy celebrity? Do you realize that they have annoying habits, sinful attitudes, selfish tendencies, and unhealthy behaviors?” What pornography does is create a fantasy that a man can indulge and enjoy all the charms of the female body without dealing with the person that is in that body.
A Christian man is called to lay down his life for his bride (notice bride is singular and doesn’t include concubines or eye-candy); in a godly marriage a man has to unload the dishwasher, take out the garbage, get his wife a glass of orange juice when she isn’t feeling well, teach her “from the Bible“ what a godly woman ought to be, and steer her onto the straight and narrow if ever she veers off of it. Pornography doesn’t fulfill a man, it makes him a sham of what he ought to be. A true man bears responsibility for his wife’s needs, and enjoys the pleasure of serving her (in every arena, including sexually). Pornography promises all the pleasure, with zero responsibility, but instead it is a poison that robs a man of the true, eternal pleasures of Christ and lays upon him the responsibility of his guilty conscience.
So, Christian men need to think about porn, and think about it biblically. One final point: all of us know that even the people we love the most deeply, occasionally do things that irritate or annoy us. I honestly don’t think a godly man would want to spend five minutes with the scantily clad models the media entices us with; other than to share the Gospel and invite them to repent. Pornography removes the person from the pleasure; thus, instead of aiming to enjoy the person for their own sake, you view the person (in this instance a girl who really needs a father to tell her to put her clothes back on and back away from the sleezy camera man) as a means to the pleasure of sexual arousal. Any married man can tell you that in order to have a healthy and joy-filled marriage you can’t treat your wife this way; and men that do treat their wives this way, quickly find that sexual pleasure disappears, and is replaced with angry arguments, disagreements over minor annoyances, and eventually either a cold, joyless marriage or a painful divorce.
Men of God, do not allow the smoke and mirrors of Playboy to convince you that sexual pleasure can be divorced from biblical responsibility. Sexual pleasure is inextricably tied to obeying the Word of God (1 Thes. 4:1-8). Recognize that the only interest a Christian man ought to have in a porn star is the salvation of her soul. And remember the porn star, though presented as flawless, is deeply flawed, carried into sin by the sinfulness of men, and thus deserves our pity and compassion not our lust and cravings.
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