Introduction
In the Jewish creed the Lord instructed Israel’s fathers to teach the words of God’s commandments diligently unto their children (Deu. 6:7). There is a rare, and surprising word used here for diligently. The word is the same word used elsewhere to describe a warrior sharpening/whetting his weaponry (arrows, spearheads, swords, etc.). To get a bit deeper into the Hebrew weeds, the word here is in the piel which, put simply, is a grammatical way of intensifying the action. An example would be the difference between “you broke” and the more intensified “you shattered.”
In short, the command to fathers is to treat their duty of instructing their children in the commandments of the Lord as a warrior sitting down to sharpen blunt edges, hone the edge until all dings and dents are removed, and bring the blade to excellent sharpness. A warrior who neglects his weapons is a danger to himself, his fellow soldiers, and those he’s fighting to defend. The imperative here is primarily aimed at fathers, and thus take it to heart that this diligent attentiveness to your children is not a duty to be lightly set aside. You must not procrastinate in this task. So, I wanted to look a bit deeper at at least three areas this should be applied.
Repetition
Perhaps the most important component in this duty to sharpen your children is the implied repetition. A weapon can be sharpened, but it will not stay sharp after use. A good teacher gives instruction, and then quizzes. This is what catechism is. It is teaching our children to add their voice to the truth which we confess about what we find in Scripture. This cannot be done by osmosis, or mere proximity to other families that are diligently teaching. Just because you live next to the saw-blade factory doesn’t mean your table saw is sharp.
Young children are sponges for this sort of training, and you would do well to make use of this window when their minds are magnetically drawn to repeating songs and sayings. But don’t imagine that this duty fades once your children leave the nest. Of course, a father showing up at his grown son’s house and trying to make him do Bible drills would be a bit awkward. But catechesis in their youth will mature into things like regular meetings, reading a book together, and deliberate conversations in their adulthood. Think now about how you want your relationship with your kids to be when they become your peers. You probably don’t want your relationship with your adult children to just be “did you see the latest sports-ball game?” Simply put, a father builds a broad foundation in his children’s youth that gives plenty of elbow room for conversation in their adulthood.
Your inclination will be to think that sharpening the blade once should last for at least a little while. But this text in Deuteronomy indicates that this instruction should be morning, noon, and night. In some sense, you can be attentive to your children even while moving through the ebb and flow of life. However, anyone who owns a prized knife knows that with use comes an obligation to devote the time necessary to restore the blade often. This takes devoting time to the task. Don’t just assume it will happen. The Apostle Paul wonderfully exemplified this when he wrote to the Philippians: Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not grievous, but for you it is safe (Phl 3:1).
Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself repeating lessons you thought your kids know. Frustration is like taking your dad’s hatchet and smashing granite with it…something I once did, to my great shame! Also, as you add kids it’s easy to think because you taught your oldest child some doctrine, or virtue, or explained some rule to them that the other kids will somehow catch it like they catch the Logos plague. Instead, take the time with each child and as a family to form frequent pathways of character, doctrine, and humility.
Distinguishing
While repetition is the most prominent attribute of this duty to sharpen our sons and daughters, we shouldn’t neglect the fact that part of this repetitive attentiveness requires knowing which tool you are sharpening. You can’t treat each blade the same. You can’t treat each nick identically. There is a process for each weapon that are similar and dissimilar from the other weapons. Wisdom is knowing how to sharpen each blade rightly, and then devoting the appropriate time for each particular weapon.
Every child is different. Age and gender come immediately to mind. But you should keep in mind that each child will also have differing gifts and talents. There are temptations for one child that will be entirely foreign to your other children. Some things will trouble one child, that another child will be unfazed by. This requires that you, as the father of your children, know them each by name.
Here are some practicals. First, while each child may have a different “burn rate” when it comes to attention/affection from you, you must not think that you can put any of them on autopilot. This means identifying their strengths and weaknesses, and talking through those things with them, and then testing them on those points. You’re like a coach who wants his players to run the play a certain way and drills them until they get it right. Don’t settle for mediocre, but also don’t put success always out of reach.
Second, your home isn’t a manufacturing plant for concrete blocks. Take the time necessary to know what each child loves and fears, what questions are on their minds, and how they are processing things in the life of the family. Understand how they understand things. Of course, this could be summarized as taking biblical principles and figuring out the best method for applying those to your particular children.
Third, keep in mind that in your family are numerous combinations of relationships. To change to a different metaphor, you must be like a skilled chef in understanding how the ingredients (i.e. each person in the family) combines with the dish you are trying to cook. There is interplay between all the various subsets, and this too takes your time and attention to recognize, study, and perfect. For instance, say two of your children are constantly squabbling; there are principles of confession of sin and forgiveness that are unchanging. But you also need to be considering what is driving the wedge between them, and how to bring about a sweetness and unity between them. After all, blessed are the peacemakers.
Again, this diligence that you are called to implies repetition and the ability to rightly distinguish how that repetition should look for each child.
Restoration
Perhaps you’ve seen those youtube videos of guys who find old weapons and restore them to glory. This should always be your outlook when thinking about the power of God’s Word applied by a loving and attentive father. There are children who may seem to be rusted beyond hope of restoration. But you do not serve a semi-potent God. You do not serve the Father of some mercies. You serve the Living God who sent His Son in order that you might become His sons. So then, do not doubt the efficacy of being an attentive father until your dying breath, and—in a sense—beyond. Leaving an inheritance of both material and spiritual wealth is showing attentiveness to your children’s children even after you pass into glory. Plan for your funeral to be a poignant loss for your children and grandchildren.
But when it comes to “prodigal sons” you should assume that the potency of your attention to your child is able to scratch an itch that no one else can. Part of this may include asking forgiveness for your own sin in their childhood. If you laid a rotten foundation, or if you were an example of ungodliness, own that. Such confession is powerful. But don’t think it has to stay that way. Pursue your children from their youth on up. Give them your attention. They want it, they need it, and you are the only one that can ever give them their dad’s attention. To be attentive fathers is to be diligent, and this becomes particularly true if the blade seems beyond repair. All this, it should be plain, requires persevering faith in all of God’s promises to you and your children.
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